Google Search of the Month

The incredibly bad spelling google pervs are back. Today's search? "How dow gris have six with gris?" I think that means "how do girls have sex with girls," but I'm not absolutely positive.

On the plus side, "boob in a vacuum cleaner" hasn't been back in awhile. I guess he/she finally figured out how to get his/her boob into or out of the vacuum.

Google Search of the Month

Oh, you people on the google. You never cease to entertain me. This month's search? "What are the chances of a live bullet going off if hit by a lawn mower?" I don't know. What are the chances? And why would you have live bullets lying around in your lawn?

Google Search of the Month

The person who's trying to figure out how to insert or extract his or her boob from a vacuum cleaner is back.

Dear weirdo: go away.

Google Search of the Month

I am happy to report that this month's top search on the google was for "FU BP." I have nothing to add to that, except that I seem to be getting vastly better visitors via the google these days. Oh, and FUBP. I mean really, who names their yacht Bob?

Google Search of the Month

I know you all have been anxiously awaiting this month's installment. So without further ado, I give you "feder fucf gris." I don't know what it means, either. But I think it has something to do with Kevin Federline. Or porn.

Google Search of the Month

Sorry, faithful four readers--life keeps getting in the way of blogging. I keep thinking I have something interesting to say and then my boss throws the guidelines for yet another grant application that's due in two weeks on my desk and that's the end of any cognizant thoughts for the time being.

In order to keep you tuning in, though, I present another journey into the weird, warped minds that is people using the google. This month's totally intriguing entrance into my blog brought to you by everyone's favorite search engine?

"Boob vacuum cleaner."

It's spelled right, and it's lovely in its direct, to-the-point way of wondering what to do when you get your boob caught in a vacuum cleaner and/or what to do if you're contemplating sticking your boob in a vacuum cleaner. Well said, google searcher, well said.

Oh, and there were lots of searches for "gris gone wild" and/or porn (or "pron"). But you already knew that, didn't you?

Okay, back to my grant....

Google Search of the Month

This month, we have a plethora of funny, strange, and just down right creepy google searches to choose from. So many that I couldn't pick just one. Or even two. So, here we go....

Funniest - "What is the spiritual meaning of grits?"

Worst Spelling, Porn Category - "I wots to see gris necid in the bed." For those of you who don't have your bad-grammar/spelling-porn-site-translator on you, I believe that should read "I want to see naked girls in bed."

Shameless Self-Promotion/Number of Searches for the "Pigs Have Flown" T-Shirt My Sister and I Made - 7. Number of money I make per t-shirt? $1. Would you like to buy one? The "Believe" shirt was much more popular--we sold 200 of those! Can I quit my day job yet?

Creepiest Search and Result, Porn Category - It's not so much per se that I'm creeped out by the guy who searched for "momy.gris.porn" and was directed to my site as I am by the fact that he spent over 30 minutes here. Doing what? I don't even want to know.

And the most exciting search - "gris grits." Does the fact that more people searched for my actual blog this month rather than "gris gone wild" mean that I've made it and can quit my day job now? Yeah, I didn't think so, either.

Google Search of the Month

Sorry, internets, I've been busy with life and have therefore been too busy to post. (Actually, I just haven't had anything interesting to say, but, well, you know....)

So, without further ado, here are January's google search of the month selections. As usual, there were lots of good ones to choose from, such as those old classics like "gris xxx, "gris gone wild," etc. But I think the ones I'm going to select to win the January prize are: "Can grits kill mice?" and "Are knives allowed on buses?" Oh, you weird, sick people that have access to my site via the google. You only marginally frighten me.

Google Search of the Month

I'm sorry, y'all, I know I'm obsessed with the people who end up at this blog via a google search. But I just can't help myself. It's a sickness, I think. I'll try to restrain myself to only posting about this once a month, starting...now....

Funniest search this month? "Do old grits turn into bugs?" Um, no, but if you leave them exposed long enough, the weevils will get into them, along with your flour.

Weirdest search of the month? "Free XXX gris porn." Not weird in and of itself, now that we've established that people are typing "gris" instead of "girls." But whoever did that search ended up spending 21 minutes on this site. What in God's name could they have found that interested them? My mom blogging? My witty banter? I guess I'll never know....

The Google, Redux

Y'all know how much I love my google searches--especially since I finally connected the dots that 92.3% of the searches for "gris" that turn up are mispelled versions of "girls," aka porn.

So, here's today's search of the month: "gris naket." Not "naked girls," mind you. Not even "girls, naked." But "gris naket." Gris. Naket. I love it. Is our children learning? Is our adults stupid?

The Google Revisited

Today's top search on the google? "Nasty gris porn." Of course.

Today's weirdest search? "Big ass flying bug with two stripes on its butt." I haven't seen that bug yet, but I can assure you, if it exists, it will make an appearance on my porch soon.

Speaking of which, one of my neighbors is chainsawing something right now. At 9:50 p.m. WTF? Oh well--I guess that's a step up from crack dealing.

A Google Epiphany

I just figured it out--all of this time, I've been wondering if there's some weird definition of "gris" that I don't know about, other than when it's used in the context of "gris-gris." You see, people keep ending up at this blog via the google, where, as I believe I've mentioned, they type in weird-ass things like "big ass gris," "gris porn," and "gris on my body."

They're not trying to type gris. They're trying to type girls and are just terrible typists. (They probably don't blog much.)

Maybe this occurred to everyone else a long time ago, but I just got that. Duh.

The Google, Again

Dear Google Users:

You're really starting to creep me out a bit. All because of this post, you people keep ending up at my site, with your weird-ass questions, like, "Is it okay to give my two-year-old Xanax?" and "Xanax for a four-year-old."

The answer, in case you were really wondering, is NO. No, you cannot give your child prescription drugs. Okay? Does that make it clear? Now go google something about "funky grits" or "grits porn" or something else weird and let me be, okay? Maybe I should change the name of this blog to "No, you cannot give your child Xanax, even if you really wish they'd be quiet, just for a little while." Sheesh.

Now, just for the fun of it, let's type "hallucinogenics and toddlers" and see who ends up here....

The Google

Today's odd Google search that led someone here: "Can chihuahuas have grits?"

I'm seriously concerned about some of the weirdos out there on the internets, a large portion of whom seem to end up at my blog. I'm also concerned about the fact that this blog seems to come up as the likeliest place to look for answers to some of y'all's very weird questions.

Surfacing

I'm still alive, not that the lack of action on this blog has really been missed by anyone. I think I may have the dreaded blogger's block. I've been so immersed in meeting a deadline at work the past couple of weeks that I've had very little life outside of the office.

I'm supposed to be going to Atlanta this weekend to visit with family but am wondering if that's a really bad idea, given the gas shortages.

Jeez, my life is dull right now. And with that, I give you the latest weird google search to direct someone to my blog: "What happens if you eat spoiled crab?" Sorry I couldn't help y'all out with that one.

Speaking of the word y'all, I noticed last week that E has begun referring to me and K as y'all. We also discovered over the weekend that she loves boiled peanuts as much as I do. It's nice to know some of my Georgia genes carried over and that she's not 100% New Orleans.

Oh, Google

Today's most bizarre Google search to bring someone to my blog: "my mom in strip club."

Sorry to disappoint, googler. No strip clubs here, other than that one picture in front of Larry Flynt's.