The Rainbow Bridge

I am sad to report that Phil, one of the feeder fish we won with a ping pong ball at the Atchafalaya catfish festival, has passed on to that great pond in the sky. Emmeline conducted a lovely ceremony for him, and we honored his short, sweet, wet life. Steve, our other feeder fish, is recovering in the loving fins of our other goldfish, Dorothy, Elmo, and Oscar. Long live Steve.

Clearance

Kenny: I came THIS CLOSE to buying a toilet at Lowe's.
Me: But we don't need a toilet. We have one.
Kenny: I know, but they were ON CLEARANCE. They were on sale from $300 to $100.
Me: But we don't need a toilet. We have one.

Notorious BIGGER?

After successfully lip syncing Forgot about Dre on my porch, Kenny and I have decided that I should quit my job and become a rapper. Now I just need a rap name....

Jambalay, Crawfish Pie

I just made turkey carcass stock and roux all by myself. And now it's almost gumbo. For those of you born and raised in NOLA, this is no big deal. But for a Georgia girl whose only cooking instruction growing up was how to use the electric can opener, it's huge. Yay, me.

God Bless Us, Everyone

This so describes Christmas with my family.

Evil Genius

Kenny discovered that the receipt for our Christmas tree shows a 90-day return policy, so our plan is to return it on March 8th and angrily demand a refund bc it's dead.

Your Tax Dollars at Work

You know you're going to get along well w/ your new co-worker when you tell him that someone tried to charge alcohol to a federally-funded grant account and this is his email response.

Never Forget

I hate to say it, but I kinda miss Kenny making our yard as tacky as possible during Christmas time. It made him so happy. (Shh, don't tell him I said that.) The great storage unit fire of 2014.

Say Freeze

Chicago sister selfie.

Couplehood

Kenny, rummaging through our CD collection
Me: Oh shit, you're putting on Michael Jackson's Thriller, aren't you?
Kenny: Yep

Twenty years together.

A Conversation with My Cat

A conversation w my cat, if she could talk:
Cat: OMFG, I'm STARVING. FEED ME.
Me: I JUST put food in your bowl.
Cat: But I didn't SEE you put the food in my bowl. It doesn't count. I need to SEE you pour the food.
Me: Screw you.
Cat: That's it. I'm leaving.

I think I may have mentioned that I need to get out more.

Kayaking

Blue Skies

I feel like I'm under a dark cloud today. Oh, wait....

Word Crimes

I confess: I do sometimes judge your blog and FB posts. But, in the sage words of Weird Al Yankovic, "You should never write words using numbers. Unless you're seven. Or your name is Prince."

Tchoups

Tchoupitoulas Lee Meyer. 91 in people years and still lookin' good.

Antisocial

I left my phone at home today. Now what am I supposed to do on the elevator? Make eye contact with and/or make small talk with people? Blech

45

It's not a real birthday party until you decorate a crab...and until everyone looks at you strangely because you decorated a crab. And looks at you even more strangely when you tell them you named him Bob.

Ways in Which I am Old

What Peter Gabriel looks like in my head:

What Peter Gabriel actually looks like now:

I'm doing this because I saw it on Bayou Creole's blog and I still can't sleep, damnit.  I'm going to bed after this, I promise. 6:00 a.m. comes awfully early....

A. Age: 43

B. Bed size:Queen (wish we had a king, but our bedroom's not big enough)

C. Chore you dislike:  Ironing. I'd rather play volleyball.

D. Dogs:  Tchoupitoulas, a golden retriever. Tchoups for short. He smiles.

E. Essential start to your day: Sitting on the porch for 10 minutes while it's still dark outside, getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, but enjoying the hell out of a coke and a cigarette. (I know, I know, one day, maybe I'll quit.)

F. Favorite colors: Favorite colors to wear? Black, white, and khaki. (I'm crazy like that.) Favorite color in general? Mossy green.

G. Gold or silver: White gold, with silver a close second. I hate yellow gold.

H. Height: 5'8". I rarely feel short around another woman, but when I'm with somebody who's 5'10" or 5'11", it's very disconecerting.

I. Instruments you play(ed): Took piano for seven years. Still can't play much other than chopsticks, Mary had a Little Lamb, Heart and Soul, and One Tin Soldier, which I taught to myself. (I can't read music worth a damn, even though I remember that every good boy must find.).

J. Job title: Director of Global Health Research (I know, it cracks me up, too.)

K. Kids: Emmeline

More Money than God

Just as I'm sure around 200 million other people have done tonight, my husband and I have figured out how to spend the $640 Mega Millions jackpot.* The problem is, even after paying $300 million in taxes, using $200 million to start a foundation that pays for scholarships, healthcare costs, and finding homes for stray animals, giving $75 million to friends and family, buying a couple of houses, several cars, and a boat, and Saints season tickets for life, AND renting out the Cedar Point amusement park once a month for the foreseeable future so I that can ride some really cool roller coasters, we still have about $70 million left over, give or take a few mil. Problems, problems.

*We will not be checking to confirm that we didn't win until tomorrow, in order to prolong the fantasy a little bit longer.