Random Musings #6

The Directv receiver/DVR that's attached to the ridiculously large (by my standards) television in our living room broke about a week ago. Did you know that if you have service through Directv, even though you pay them a subscription fee of $75 a month, you're on your own if any of the equipment breaks, unless you've opted to pay them a $7/month maintenance fee? So now, in order to have television in our living room again, I have to pay $100 for a new receiver AND agree to a new 24-month contract for services. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if I had a receiver through Cox and it broke, wouldn't they give me a new one for free? Isn't that part of the whole service contract? We give you equipment to use our service, and if it breaks, we'll replace it? Yes, I looked into just telling Directv to go screw themselves and going with Cox, but the price that they want to come out and install cable at our house is even more than it'll cost to replace the damn receiver.

I hate cable companies and electric companies--can someone explain to me again why monopoly laws don't apply to them? Note to self--tag this post with "Directv Sucks" and "Entergy Sucks." Might as well not let Allstate have all of the fun, as someone from that fine company ends up at this blog at least once a month after doing an internet search for "Allstate Sucks." Which it does. Big time.

On the plus side, I've been enjoying the fact that the television in our living room no longer has reception for two reasons: 1) it's amazing how clean the living room stays when the husband, the toddler ( is a four-year-old still considered a toddler?), and the dog have no reason to be in that room; and 2) I find myself being a lot more productive now that my only television viewing option is the teeny-tiny little 13" TV in the sunroom. At the same time, I saw a preview for "Jon and Kate Plus 8" last night, and I really would like to be able to tape it when it comes on next week, as the promo was a bit of a cliffhanger hinting at marital troubles. I love Kate and her smartass self, although I'm sure if I were John, she'd get on my nerves after awhile, too. And hello? How am I supposed to watch "Lost" tomorrow night while perched on our little wicker couch, looking at our teeny-tiny 13" television? Not to mention the fact that K will most likely be in the room, muttering "this sucks" every three minutes and lobbying to turn the channel to the latest Hitler documentary or Larry the Cable Guy special. Sigh. Guess I'll order the new receiver from Directv tomorrow. Did I mention that Directv sucks?

And did I mention that Allstate sucks? I cannot tell you how happy I am to discover that some insurers have finally deigned to offer their fine products in New Orleans again. I finally called one of those insurance companies last week, after having to fork out another $300 to the wonderful Louisiana Citizens FAIR (hah) Plan again last week. Yes, for those of you who haven't been long-time readers of this blog, Allstate cancelled our wind and hail coverage exactly two days after Katrina made landfall, even though the total amount of our wind and hail claim as a result of Katrina was exactly zero dollars. Why? Because they could. And because Allstate sucks. Anyway, since then, we've had to pay $2,400 per year to Allstate to basically make sure that our house doesn't burn down or to make sure that someone doesn't fall off of our non-existent deck or drown in our non-existent pool and sue us or to make sure that our non-existent vicious dog doesn't bite someone who might then decide to sue us. We also have to pay $1,400 a year to the Louisiana Citizens FAIR (hah) Plan, the "state insurer of last resort," to make sure that we don't have any more wind and hail damage, which has been non-existent thus far. We also pay about $700 a year for flood insurance, but you won't hear me complaining about that one any time soon, since our socialized flood insurance (take that, my conservative friends) is the only one that actually works.

Where was I? Oh yes--I finally called another insurance company and found out that we can get hazard insurance AND wind and hail insurance, AND a smaller hurricane deductible, AND more content insurance, through a new insurance company for the bargain price of $2,400 a year. So Allstate? You suck. I will be transferring my business to another insurer as soon as possible. And just again for the record? Allstate sucks. If you're ever in the market for insurance, do NOT get it through Allstate.

Ah, I feel better now. Let's see, what else....

I've decided that if/when I do go to hell, I will have to add attending cocktail parties to the list of things I'll be required to do for all eternity, along with playing volleyball and listening to Kenny G. Hi, I'm A, and I'm absolutely terrible at small talk, which I reaffirmed at a work function last night. It's one of the reasons I got out of the PR business as quickly as I possibly could. Stick me in a room and let me write news releases and grants, or edit, or Photoshop pictures--I'll thrive. But don't expect me to go make small talk with strangers at a cocktail reception, because I absolutely suck at it. It's not that I dislike people or anything, I'm just small talk-deficient with people I don't know. I watch with envy every day as people take the long ride up in the elevator and chat pleasantly with each other all the way. And I can do it, sometimes. (But don't you get tired of talking about the weather?) I'm much better at conversing with passing acquaintances. But when I'm in a room and expected to just walk up to random strangers and make polite conversation, I'm hopeless. Hope. Less. Sigh. On the other hand, put me in a room full of friends, give me a couple of drinks, and try to get me to shut up. Anyway--I don't look forward to the volleyball, the cocktail parties, and the Kenny G.

And finally, tonight Emmeline put our dog Tchoups on a leash and tried her hardest to lead him around in the backyard. That was an exercise in patience on both of their parts if I ever saw one. My dog is neurotic and crazy and runs in fear from the vacuum cleaner, but I have to give him kudos for his unending tolerance when it comes to Emmeline. Hopefully there will be some interesting installments in our new series, "Conversations with a Four-Year-Old," soon.

That's all on this end. Happy St. Patrick's Day, y'all. And Allstate sucks. As do Entergy and Directv. And Veronica White. And Ray Nagin. And possibly Sidney Torres.

This post was brought to you by the word "sucks." Good night.