Pride and Joy

Pretty soon, I'm going to have to start a heading called "Songs I'm Obsessed With." Here's my latest fixation, "Pride and Joy" by Brandi Carlile. It started the usual way--I heard the song a few times in passing and liked it. Then, someone burned a CD for me with the song on it, and I really listened to it. And it has those two magical qualities that suck me in every time--a singer whose voice fascinates me and lyrics that reel me in.

True confession time--if I could be anything in the world, I would be a singer. Not a big-time singer who can't walk down the street without being mobbed by adoring crowds. No Lady Gaga-type life for me (although I adore "Bad Romance," much to Kenny's dismay). No, I'd want to be someone like Alison Kraus--someone who has an absolutely amazing voice but who isn't that well known outside of certain circles and can probably walk down any street without being recognized and harrassed.

Sadly, I will never be a famous singer, because I really don't sing all that well--smoking a pack of cigarettes a day for 20+ years will do that to you--ironically, I still have the lung capacity to hold most long notes--my voice just cracks all over the place. But that doesn't stop me from singing up a storm in my car. If you're sitting next to me at a stoplight, you'll most likely get a show, if you happen to look over at that crazy girl in the black SUV next to you.

Anyway, because I'm officially now obsessed with this song, I've read what little analysis there is of the lyrics online. It seems that most people think that it's a song about a lost love, but I tend to differ. But that's the wonderful thing about music, isn't it? It can have different meanings for each of us.

For me, this song is about wanting and missing the love of a parent. It's a song about wanting that person whose approval and acceptance mean so much to you--to love you wholly, without reservation. It is a song I can relate to, having spent most of my adolescence and adult life wanting just such a relationship with my father (who, obviously, does not read this blog). I finally have as close of a relationship with my dad as we're ever going to have. But still, this song makes me listen to it over and over again.

Brandi Carlile - Pride and Joy



Time of day I can't recall
The kind of thing that takes its toll
Over years and over time
Over smiles and over wine
All in all it wasn't bad
All in all it wasn't good
But I still care

That's the problem with the days
They're never long enough to say
What it is you never said
All the books you never read
I throw myself into the wind
Hoping somebody will pick me up
And carry me again

Where are you now?
Do you let me down?
Do you make me grieve for you?
Do I make you proud?
Do you get me now?
Am I your pride and joy?

I believe this to be true
Nothing sacred, nothing new
No one tells you when its time
There are no warnings, only signs
And you know that you're alone
You're not a child anymore
But you're still scared

All your mountains turn to rocks
All your oceans turn to drops
They are nothing like you thought
Can't be something you are not
Life is not a looking glass
Don't get tangled in your past
Like I am learning not to

Where are you now?
Do you let me down?
Do you make me grieve for you?
Do I make you proud?
Do you get me now?
Am I your pride and joy?