Joyeux Noel

Emmeline decided to leave her Christmas list out next to Santa's cookies to make absolutely certain he knows she wants an Isabelle American Girl doll.

!@#$% Elf on the Shelf

Tomorrow night, Snowflake will be leaving E with a photo collage of her time here with us. These are my personal favorites.

@#$%^ Elf on the Shelf

So help me, cat, if you mess up the Elf Christmas Gras parade, I will cut you.

Santa

God Bless Us, Everyone

This so describes Christmas with my family.

Evil Genius

Kenny discovered that the receipt for our Christmas tree shows a 90-day return policy, so our plan is to return it on March 8th and angrily demand a refund bc it's dead.

@#$%^ Elf on the Shelf

The adventures of a sarcastic mom and her elf. Alcohol optional but suggested.

Never Forget

I hate to say it, but I kinda miss Kenny making our yard as tacky as possible during Christmas time. It made him so happy. (Shh, don't tell him I said that.) The great storage unit fire of 2014.

Merry Christmas from the Family

I'm extremely proud of this shot, even though it might not be the best photography in the world. I consider getting a picture of Emmeline wearing reindeer antlers, our cat Beignet wearing a Santa hat, and our dog Tchoupitoulas, also wearing reindeer antlers, all in the same picture, to be a major coup. (No, the cat doesn't look particularly happy--one almost might say slightly peeved and trying to escape--but that's beside the point.)

Merry Christmas from my (somewhat warped, strange, and possibly dysfunctional) family to yours.

Oh Christmas Tree

Merry Christmas from the Family

My husband always says this song reminds him of Christmas growing up with his family. After 16 years together, I can see why....Feliz Navidad, y'all.

Why I Fear Winning the Lottery

Yes, my husband loves Christmas lights. He thinks that everyone's house should look like Al Copeland's at Christmas. For the first, oh, ten or so years of our relationship, I fought this love K has of the "more is more" school of Christmas decorating. Then, I let him do it and got mildly embarrassed when people would come by the house.

This year, I just accepted that my yard was going to look like this. It's even my fault, a little, as when K first got started decorating, all he had up was the Abominable Snowman, the icicle lights, and one Santa. My response was, "If you're going to go tacky, go tacky all the way--this is half-assed."

Two days later, I came home to the above Christmas wonderland, complete with lights on the roof, two penguins (because nothing says Christmas in New Orleans like penguins), an inflatable Rudolph, complete with flashing nose, and the piece de resistance, the Snoopy Christmas countdown display.

If we ever win the lottery and K has an even larger house, a larger yard, and a larger budget, I am so screwed.

Random Musings #4

Well, thank God--Christmas is behind us. Don't get me wrong--I absolutely adore Christmas. As I type this, I'm sitting next to our Christmas tree--which is about as dead as a Christmas tree can get--and am delaying taking the lights down for another day or two. I love me some Christmas lights. And they have to be colored ones. Yes, yes, I know that some people think that colored Christmas lights are tacky, but so be it--to me they say Christmas. I would prefer colored blinking lights, but K absolutely draws the line at that one. He comes from the white Christmas lights school. Blech. Sorry, but BOR-ing. I'm sure I've now offended all three of the people who read this blog.

Anyway--it seemed like this Christmas went by way too quickly, but at the same time, I'm glad it's over. I guess that's what happens when you host both your and your husband's families at some point during the week of Christmas. (Hi, Mandy!) We had a very good time, but I was exhausted by the time it was all over, with five separate Christmas gatherings, all but one of which were at our house. One on Christmas Eve, one on Christmas day, one on the Saturday following Christmas at my mother's house, one on Monday night, and one on the Tuesday following Christmas.

So, I wanted it all to be a Martha Stewart Christmas--it was the first time that I've seen my mother AND my father AND my sister--all in the same room--on Christmas day--since 1981. And it all went pretty well, I think. Other than the fact that we didn't finally eat until 6:30, because we (or should I say I) decided to cook too many dishes. And then my husband set himself on fire. Not too badly, but nonetheless--having to find a Walgreen's that's open at 11:00 at night on Christmas so that you can go buy burn cream kinda puts a damper on the evening. Note to self--in the future, don't let the husband play with the new chimenea after he's had a few drinks.

Anyway--a Christmas summary:

• Number of eggnog daiquiris drank: 0 (I think that's why it just didn't feel like Christmas this year)
• Number of times I was irritated by extremely warm and humid weather: About 112
• Number of times I made warm apple cider: 0 (see, extremely warm and humid weather)
• Number of times I sadly threw one of my pretty new sweaters in the closet and pulled out some summer clothes: 3
• Number of times I visited Al Copeland's house: 2
• Number of times K and E visited Al Copeland's house: 4
• Number of times K got sad that this is really (no, REALLY!) the last year that Al Copeland's house will be decorated: I'd say about 6
• Number of times I apprehensively thought about the fact that if we ever win the lottery, my house will be the next Al Copeland's house: Approximately 4
• Number of times my husband caught himself on fire: 1
• Number of times I cried: 2 (see: husband, fire)
• Most expensive present purchased for E: A large, stuffed tiger for $30 (no, it is NOT an LSU tiger)
• Gift E found most exciting: A tube full of miniature plastic animals purchased for $3.
• Number of Christmas decorations that K put up in our yard: Hmmmm--15? 20? In between all of the inflatable snowmen, inflatable Rudolphs, Santas, and penguins, I lost count.
• Number of times E shoved her cousin Graham: At least 4, that we saw.
• Number of times that K and/or Sean played "Oh, Metairie" by the 12 Yats of Christmas: 432
• Number of times I wanted to shoot myself: 432

Let's see--what else. I realized on New Year's Eve that this is only my second NYE in New Orleans since I moved here in 1998. People, can y'all let the fireworks go just a little bit? Or go down to the river and watch the professional show? The fireworks started around my house at about 5:30 and kept on going until well after 1:00 a.m. As someone who was born and raised in a state where private fireworks are illegal, it got a little old after a while. Of course, I'm usually in Atlanta on NYE, hanging out with my sister and various friends, drinking too much and seeing who can make the most creative hat out of tin foil, so what do I know? I guess I should just be thankful that I didn't end up on the news, a fatality of a stray bullet.

Emmeline got a beautiful baby doll from her Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Sean, her godparents, for Christmas. In keeping with the "what's the weirdest name I can give one of my dolls or stuffed animals?" theme, she named it Hooga. Apparently, Hooga is Myga's sister.

My blog was visited by someone from Wasilla, Alaska. You don't think it could really be HER, do you? (Hi, Sarah!)

Speaking of which, where is Sterling? And hi to whomever is from there that's stopped by here.

I couldn't care less who wins the Sugar Bowl tonight.

Okay, 2009--this is it. I will be 40 this year. FORTY. Geez, I'm disturbed. Let's make it a good year, shall we?