Conversations With a Three-Year-Old, Volume 9

E: You're my bestest mommy. I like being around you all the time.

Me: Aw, thanks.

E: Except for when I don't like being around you.

Conversations With a Three-Year-Old, Volume 8

E: Mommy, when I grow up, I want to be a doctor.

Me: Okay, that sounds great.

E: And a sea lion!

Conversations With a Three-Year-Old, Volume 7

On Monday night, Emmeline dropped the Rudolph snowglobe ornament we bought her, and it rolled under the big stuffed chair in our living room. I was in the kitchen at the time, and heard her crying like I haven't in quite a while--one of those full-on fear cries. I ran into the living room, found her stuck prone under the chair, and helped her get out. She wasn't hurt--just scared as hell.

Anyway, the next morning on the way to school, we had the following conversation.

E: Mommies are great people. They help you get out from under chairs when you're stuck.

Me: Yep, Mommies do help you get out from under chairs. What else do Mommies do?

E: Mommies wash dishes, and they read books to you, and sometimes they let you have treats.

Me: That's right. And what do Daddies do?

E: Daddies read the paper and drink coffee.

From the mouths of babes....

Conversations With a Three-Year-Old, Volume 6

E: NO, Mommy, I will NOT put my shoes on!

Me: Emmeline, who, exactly do you think you're talking to in that tone of voice?

E: Ummm, my shoes?

Conversations With a Three-Year-Old, Volume 5

E: Mommy, I like that Shrek guy.

Me: Yes, he's funny, isn't he? He's a nice ogre.

E: Yogurt? I don't really like yogurt. Especially not the strawberry kind. The strawberries are too small. I like big strawberries--I really like those ones that Gigi makes with the dip. But I like Shrek--he's a nice yogurt.

Conversations With the Father of a Three-Year-Old

Me: Why are you taping the Wizard of Oz?

K: I thought Emmeline might like it.

Me: The girl who has screaming nightmares about the Care Bears and an imaginary frog in her closet? How do you think she'll feel about the Wicked Witch of the West?

K: Yeah, now that you mention it, I guess the flying monkeys probably wouldn't go over real well, either.

Me: Not unless you want her sleeping in our bed until she's 12.

K: (Deletes Wizard of Oz.)

Conversations With a Three-Year-Old, Volume 4

E: Mommy, guess what?

Me: What, sweetie?

E: I love you. You're the best mommy in the whole wide world.

Me: Aw, thank you.

E: You're welcome. Now leave me alone and go vacuum or something.

Conversations with a Three-Year-Old, Volume 3

Although not really a conversation, I thought this comment from E was too good to resist. Please note that the following occured in Atlanta, after E had suffered from days of evacu-pation (my new word for evacuation-induced constipation), which resulted in me having to use the dreaded glycerin suppositories.

E: You are NOT a good mommy and you are NOT my friend anymore! Now take that white thing out of my butt!

Conversations with a Three-Year-Old, Volume 2

E: Mommy, am I a people?

Me: Yes, sweetie--you're a person.

E: Is Tchoups a people?

Me: No, Tchoups is a dog. But you, me and Daddy are all people.

E: No, you're not a people--you're a mommy.

Conversations with a Three-Year-Old

Me: E, do you want to eat your dinner now?

E: No, get away from me!

Me: Well, that's not a very nice thing to say.

E: I sorry, Mommy--please get away from me.

Miss Manners would be so proud.